hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
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