She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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