You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
