we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
