Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
