Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
