I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
