Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
