I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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