is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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