he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
