I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
