cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
