i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
