I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Everclear isn't food dammit
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
