This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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