Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
