you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
