Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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