Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
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I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
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I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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