So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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