whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
