Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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