he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
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Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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