I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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