I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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