What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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