I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
