A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it was like eating out sand paper
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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