i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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