Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
