I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
