i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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