My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
