oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
