Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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