Are we in a gay sports bar?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
