No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
