i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
