come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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