Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
