I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
