Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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