So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Ambien. No doubt about it.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
