I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
