I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just cropdusted the office
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
