He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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