Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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