He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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