I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
