I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
