I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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