You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
