KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
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Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
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How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm bleeding and have questions
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize