i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
