You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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