So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Your penis caused this!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
