Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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