you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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