i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
