chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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