He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
