Is it because I queefed?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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