ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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