Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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