Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
